SIF Ronaldo already crashing markets

Woke up this morning and saw this article first thing...

It's real, and it's happening. It is time to P A N I C. World markets are now crashing in anticipation of a possible SIF Ronaldo on Wednesday. (That's what I assume, I only read a few lines.)

It's not enough to sell your trade pile and your teams.

You've got 12 hours to sell your car. Sell your bike. Sell your furniture. Sell your house. Sell your clothes. Sell FIFA 15 Coins your wife's ring. Sell your retirement account. Sell everything!

Move into a box. Sell that box and move into a smaller box. You can buy the big box back next week if totw is crappy. Otherwise buy back Jan 10, or the night before defenders are released, you can't really know for sure. But you will get a way better box.

Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife... They crashing errything out here!